Cheating wife -Try GPS Panties


These panties will monitor the location of your daughter, wife or girlfriend 24 hours a day, and can even monitor their heart rate and body temperature. Based on pioneering research developed by the U.S. military at DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency), we have brought this revolutionary technology, previously only available to the military, to you!
These "panties" can trace the exact location of your woman and send the information, via satellite, to your cell phone, PDA, and PC simultaneously! Use our patented mapping system, pantyMap®, to find the exact location of your loved one 24 hours a day

 

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Italian horoscope

Your Date describes you!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is an Italian horoscope given below. You can find a lot about you by just searching your own identity in Italian way.

What you have to do is to find your group with the help of your date of birth.

Date of Birth Group

01,06,11,16, 21,26,31 A1

02,07,12,17, 22,27 B2

03,08,13,18, 23,28 C3

04,09,14,19, 24,29 D4

05,10,15,20, 25,30 E5

Group A1

You consider love as the most beautiful thing and you love to fall in love, but a number of your group members think that the person they love is not sincere with them.

You love to be with your friends and you are always found to be a dutiful friend.

You can hardly control your patients, which is a very big drawback of your nature.

The Person who is ruling your mind & heart these days is perfect for you.

Group B2

Your dreams and ambitions are much important for you and you can do everything to fulfill your dreams. Love is much valuable in your life but you always search for someone perfect. You hardly trust someone.

Your friends are really important for you but normally you hide a lot from them.

You are a deep thinker you always study the negative view as well as positive.

You can lead a happy life with a person for whom you care a lot these days.

Group C3

You always prefer mantel decisions more then emotional ones due to this you don't have a limited number of friends. You consider life a very beautiful gift and you love to enjoy its colors. There are a number of peoples who are your ideals and you loved to spend a big part of your time with them. You are found to be a very sincere lover.

You have a perfect control on your emotions but sometimes your decisions really effect your beloveds.

The person who has just appeared in your mind and you has decided to forward this mail especially to him/her is your real and special friend.



Group D4

Your always have goals to achieve and you can do everything to fulfill the dreams of those who loves you.

You have a sketch of an ideal in your mind and you always search for that personality.

Your friends means a lot to you and you can do everything for the sake of your friend, you a normally found to be an emotional personality.

You have a very less control on your patients and due to this sometimes you over react.

The one who sent you this mail & the one to whom you will send this mail first are your real friends.



Group E5

You are found to be a person who loves to love. You prefer emotional decision more then mantel decisions. You consider life just to enjoy; you are the one who is perfect to call FLURTIES. You love to increase the list of your friends and beloveds. You have a number of dreams but you never work hard to make your dreams come true which is the biggest drawback in your nature you take everything much lightly. With in 7 days you will meet a person whom you have never met before that is the person ideal for you.

 

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Marriage Rules

Marriage - Part I

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Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady
And after the wedding, he laid down the following
Rules:




"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I
Expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you
That I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,
Fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my
Old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about
It. Those are my rules. Any comments?"




His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
Understand that there will be sex here at seven
O'clock every night ......... Whether you're here or
Not."




(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)





************ ********* ********* ********* **




Marriage (Part II)

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Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of
Their 40th wedding anniversary!




The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
Headstone that reads:




"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "




"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a
Headstone that reads:




"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"




(HE ASKED FOR IT!)





************ ********* ********* ********* *




Marriage (Part III)

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Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at
The breakfast table.




Husband gets up in a rage and
Says, "And you are no good in bed either,"
And storms out of the house.




After sometime, he realizes he was nasty and decides
To make amends and rings her up. She comes to the
Phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
Says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"




She says, "I was in bed."




"In bed this early, doing what?"




"Getting a second opinion!"




(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)





************ ********* ********* ********* **




Marriage (Part IV)

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A man has six children and is very proud of his
Achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts
Calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her
Objections.




One night, they go to a party. The man decides that
it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife
Is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his
Voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'




His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of
Discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready,
Father of Four."




(RIGHT ON, LADY!)





************ ********* ********* ********* ***




Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment


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A man and his wife were having some problems at home
And were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly,




The man realized that the next day, he would
Need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
Morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first
To break the silence (and LOSE),




He wrote on a piece
Of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it
Where he knew she would find it.




The next morning, the
Man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he
Had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
See why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a
Piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00
AM. Wake up."




 

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Husband

 

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How to end a relationship


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Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Don't break up.

Use this site as an alternative to couple's therapy.

Release your emotions here,

click on the options provided

and play out your break-up fantasies.

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Tags:



Post by OMG

 

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What is Love?

.........love is kind. it...............................does not envy,..........................
......it does not boast, it.....................is not proud. it is not,......................
....rude, it is not self-seekinq,.......it is not easily angered, it.....................
...keeps no records of wrong......love does not deliqht in evil..................
..but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trust,.....................
..always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails. when i......................
....was a child , i talked like a child, i thought like a child, i........................
......reasoned like a child. when i became a woman, i put..........................
...........childish ways behind me . now we see but a..............................
.............poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall...............................
.................see face to face. now i know in part;...................................
...................then i shall know fully, even as i am....................................
.........................fully known . and now these.........................................
.............................three remain; faith, hope..........................................
..................................and love . but the...............................................
......................................greatest of...................................................
.........................................these is......................................................
............................................love.........................................................


love is when you are kept awake at night
with thoughts of him & when sleep finds
you, he is waiting there in your dreams


SOMETiMES...
you gotta run away... So you can see who will run after you
SOMETiMES...
you gotta talk quieter just to see who is listening
SOMETiMES...
you gotta step up in a fight just to see who is standing by your side
& SOMETiMES ..
you gotta make a wrong decision only to see who is there to help you fix it
& SOMETiMES ..
you gotta let go of the one you love just to see if they love you enough to come back to you ..


You know its real when he...

- makes you smile when you are down.
- Sticks up for you but is still respectful of your independence.
- Gives you the remote control during the game.
- tells you he misses you even though you just talked 10 minutes ago
- comes over with medicine when you are sick in bed
- Sings to you in public even when he canot.
- tells you youare beautiful even though you know you look like ****
- Calls for no apparent reasons
- Quits smoking, drinking, or drugs just cause he loves you enough to quit.
- tells you to eat more when you tell him you wanna go on a diet
- puts on his ugly puppy face just to get you to laugh
- makes you food when you two are supposed to be studying because you complain that youare hungry
- spends hours trying to find out the name of that song you love so much
- Picks flowers in other peoples gardens for you because you said they were pretty.
- compliments you just to see you blush
- grabs your hand so that you do not jaywalk when a car is coming, (as if you did not see it)
- acts cute when he really wants something.
- slow dances with you in the kitchen with no music on, even if he feels like a dork.
- is funny but knows when to be serious.
- does everything in his power to make you feel like the luckiest girl on the earth. Like a princess...

Whats on her Mind?
When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her mind.
When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a girl answers, Iam fine after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a girl lays on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a girl calls you everyday, she is seeking for your attention.
When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered.
When a girl text messages you everyday, she wants you to reply at least once.
When a girl says, i love you, she means it.
When a girl says that she canot live without you, she has made up her mind that you are her future.
When a girl says, I miss you, no one in this world can miss you more than that.


LOVE
Love is when you no he is not perfect but you see him perfectly.
Love is thinking about him day and night.
Love is when he means the world to you.
Love is when know one else knows how you feel.

 

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Jokes of the week

Joke 1
Math Problems

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Joke 2:
Medical Claim

A couple went to a sex therapists office at ABC Hospital.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us having sex, for your expert analysis?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse" and charged them RM60.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an Appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor and then leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

The man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house - I'm married and we can't go to my house. Shangri-la Putrajaya charges RM250.00, Mandarin Oriental charges RM280.00, Le Meridian charges M230.00. We do it here for RM60.00 and I get that back from "Medical Claim".......!

 

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Job Vacancies- Urgent

Robstreet.com :
Immediate Vacancies - URGENT





Immediate Vacancies

We are a local thieves gang specializing in snatching handbags in Klang
Valley, Penang, Ipoh and Johor Bahru. We are seeking money-orientated and result-driven
professionals to join our team. Successful candidates can expect excellent
money and attractive fringe benefits. We are now seeking highly motivated
team players to join our force in our recent expansion.

Snatch Thieves
( Klang Valley, Penang, Ipoh and Johor Bahru)



Responsibilities:

To snatch women handbags on the street.

Requirements:

Candidate must at least a drug addict, jobless bum, mat rempit or
equivalent.

At least 1 - 2 year(s) of crime experience in Malaysia (other countries
may be considered)

Applicants must be aggressive, daring, outgoing, and adventurous
personality.

Motivated and able to work independently, not necessarily a team player.

Able to snatch things at fast pace and poses excellent motorcycle
driving skills.

Good command of vulgarity in spoken & written English, Bahasa Melayu,
and Chinese dialect would be advantageous.

Applicants must be willing to work in designated places, travel
outstation & possess own transport (motorcycle).

Applicants can be Malaysian citizens or illegal immigrant; jobless fresh
graduates are also welcomed.

Full-Time positions available.

Apply before 31st December 2006.

 

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National Excuse

Malaysia Boleh ......



NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS:
Maggi Mee.


NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE:
Traffic Jam.


NATIONAL CONDOM:
None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying
condoms. So they
rushed into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest
pack,any pack, pay and leave
before the cashier can even blink an eye.


NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION:
Pineapple


NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK:
Stout. Many swear by it. But after a few pints they
start swearing at
everything...


NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN):
Food Poisoning.


NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN):
Menstrual Pain


NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:

Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep,
mother-in-law around, early
appointment, food not digested yet, aircond not cold
enough, aircond too cold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take
the pill, sleepy, stomach cramps, period, haven't remove make-up,
haven't shower, no water supply, going to watch "Santa Barbara", depress, no
mood, etc...


NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
None. Malaysian men never refuse sex.


NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES:
Panadol. The "cure for all". If it fails we have
another secret weapon;
Tiger Balm.


NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:
Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.


NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
Happy Hours.


NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
The sight of a police road block.


NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP:
Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.


NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME:
Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4! On
second thoughts, why bother pronouncing stupid French brands like
Peugeot, Renault or Citroen correctly. I think it sounds better,whe! n
the local mechanics say "Pew Jeot".When I was in school, Milo was always 'Mee
Lo', now that I'm sophisticated, I say "My Lo". So don't be embarassed
saying "Carry 4" when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang utan as "rangutan".

 

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Tight Job Market

A UM graduate found himself difficult to get a job here. He finally
accepted the offer to work with Taiping Zoo. "What to do? It's better to
work like this than earning nothing..." mumbling to himself. So since
that day, the IT grad started work acting as a monkey.
He has to wear monkey suit and mask, chew nuts and eat bananas. He has
to climb trees too and jump from one to another to attract visitors.

The zoo has since then enjoyed tremendous business due to the increase
in visitors. Even Mahathir wanted to see the super 'smart' monkey in the
world.

Unfortunately, one day when he was jumping from the trees, he fell down
into a crocodile pool! "Oh my God...I'm dying...now" he thought, as a
hungry looking crocodile swam steadily towards his direction. In the
middle of his struggle, suddenly he heard a soft voice,

"Don't be afraid my friend...I'm from UKM"

 

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Short Story

What do women really want?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom.
The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and
ideals.
So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very
difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and,
if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question was: What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to
young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.
But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition
to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the
priests,the wise men, and even the court jester.
He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have
the answer.
But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out the
kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to
the witch.
She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price
first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights
of the Round Table, and Arthur's closest friend !
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one
tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.
He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden, but Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and
the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered
Arthur's question thus: "What a woman really wants," she said, "is to be
in charge of her own life."
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great
truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a
horrific experience, entered the bed room.
But, what a sight awaited him.
The most beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on the bed.
The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared
as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible and deformed
self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
"Which would you prefer? she asked him.
"Beautiful during the day ... or at night ?"
Lancelot pondered the predicament.
During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,
but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!
Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night a
beautiful woman for him to enjoy wonderous, intimate moments with?

(If you are a man reading this ...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this ..) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?
What Lancelot chose is below :
BUT ... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below........OKAY? ...

































Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question,
said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time
because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own
life.
Now ... what is the moral to this story ?
The moral is ..
1) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly
; 2) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is !!
Hahaha... but men just dont get it!!

 

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Proverbs 20th Century

Proverbs of the 20th Century


1 Home is where you hang your @.
2 The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3 A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4 You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5 Great groups from little icons grow.
6 Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7 C:\ is the root of all directories.
8 Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
9 Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
10 The modem is the message.
11 Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12 The geek shall inherit the earth.
13 A chat has nine lives.
14 Don't byte off more than you can view.
15 Fax is stranger than fiction.
16 What boots up must come down.
17 Windows will never cease.
18 In Gates we trust (and our tender is legal).
19 Virtual reality is its own reward.
20 Modulation in all things.
21 A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
22 There's no place like http://www.home.com
23 Know what to expect before you connect.
24 Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
25 Speed thrills.
26 Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.


Modern Proverbs

If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

 

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