Funny jokes




Jokes 1: A slip of the tongue

Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the
wife looks over at him and asks the question.

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married
again?

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do"

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "shit"


Jokes 2: Looking for a virgin boy

"A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Kuala Lumpur. Before she
left, her mother gave her some advice.

"Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there,
you must take note of the following requirements Mother set for you. You
must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a
'virgin'."

With this advise from her mother, the girl went to Town.
After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her
mother's blessings to marry.

"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future
husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he
took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier
girls around. Isn't that being faithful?".

Her mother nodded in agreement.

"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was
pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also
suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only.
Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"

For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a
little concern.

"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".

"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with
repidition.

"Mmm....his 'that one' is new......still wrapped up in plastic,mum!"


Jokes 3:FACTS OF LIFE


The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed
good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Lily," the man replied.
"Sir, Lily is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Lily," was the man's reply.
Just then, Lily appeared and announced to the man that she charged
RM5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and
gave them to Lily, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly
left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Lily.
Lily explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row - too
expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still RM5,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Lily and they went upstairs. After an hour, he
left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that
he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Lily and they went
upstairs.After their session, Lily questioned the man. "No one has ever been
with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, "Port Dickson."
"Really" she said. "I have family in Port Dickson."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's
attorney. She asked me to give you your RM15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

 

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