AGE OF A MALAYSIAN WOMAN



Between the ages of 15 - 20 A woman is like Sabah. She is half
discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20 - 30 A woman is like Putrajaya, fully discovered
and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30 - 35 She is like Kelantan, very hot, wise and
beautiful.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 A woman is like Johore. She is half
destroyed but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 She is like Kuala Lumpur, old but still got
hope.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 She is like Sarawak, very wide, very quiet
but nobody goes there.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 A woman is like Malacca, with a glorious
past but no future.

 

5 Comments:

Post a Comment

Funny jokes




Jokes 1: A slip of the tongue

Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the
wife looks over at him and asks the question.

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married
again?

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do"

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: "shit"


Jokes 2: Looking for a virgin boy

"A very 'straight and honest' girl is going to Kuala Lumpur. Before she
left, her mother gave her some advice.

"Daughter, when you're in KL and if you're looking for a match there,
you must take note of the following requirements Mother set for you. You
must find a man that is 'faithful', not 'spendthrift' and must be a
'virgin'."

With this advise from her mother, the girl went to Town.
After some months later, she came home to her kampung to get her
mother's blessings to marry.

"Mother, I've met my match following your instructions. My future
husband is faithful because when we went out for a holiday one day, he
took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier
girls around. Isn't that being faithful?".

Her mother nodded in agreement.

"Then, since the day was getting late in the night and rain was
pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel. He also
suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room only.
Isn't he not spendthrift guy?"

For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a
little concern.

"And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".

"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The mother asked with
repidition.

"Mmm....his 'that one' is new......still wrapped up in plastic,mum!"


Jokes 3:FACTS OF LIFE


The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed
good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
"May I help you?" she asked.
"I want to see Lily," the man replied.
"Sir, Lily is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Lily," was the man's reply.
Just then, Lily appeared and announced to the man that she charged
RM5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and
gave them to Lily, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly
left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Lily.
Lily explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row - too
expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still RM5,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Lily and they went upstairs. After an hour, he
left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that
he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Lily and they went
upstairs.After their session, Lily questioned the man. "No one has ever been
with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.
The man replied, "Port Dickson."
"Really" she said. "I have family in Port Dickson."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's
attorney. She asked me to give you your RM15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

 

5 Comments:

Post a Comment

Top 5 Keys to Mixing Work & Romance



The experts can warn you until they're blue in the face: Beware of office romances. But there that special someone is: So cute, such chemistry, so nice -- this could be the love of your life, or at least the romance of your week. You don't want to just say no, but are you at grave risk of one day getting fired or both? No guarantees, but here are five ways to maximise your chances of enjoying a workplace romance and surviving to tell the tale.


Be Honest with Your Prospective Partner.

If you're only looking for a quick fling, don't make long-term-relationship noises in your efforts to seduce. Candour is always important, but especially so in the workplace. If you imply a possible wedding-bell future, and then after a hot date or two suddenly cool off, let alone start flirting with another officemate, you're asking for big-time reprisals. Remember the old saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman (or man) scorned"?


Think Twice Before Starting a Relationship with Your Boss.

In some workplaces this is strictly verboten, but even if it is permissible, beware. If later on, you dump your boss, he may retaliate. For example, "I need you to do this extra work." "Sorry, I can't let you take an extra 15 minutes for lunch." "No, I won't give you any extra resources." The opportunities for torturing you are endless.

In fairness, sometimes a relationship with a boss can yield special privileges, like a corner office. Even if the boss decides to end the relationship, he may give you a promotion or another perk to reduce the risk that you'll file a grievance. One study found that 64 percent of women who had a romantic relationship with their boss reported that, as a result, their work situation improved.

Think 10 Times Before Starting a Relationship with Your Direct Report.

That's risky even if the relationship is working well. For example, your honey begs you for a plum assignment that, from a business perspective, you believe should go to someone else. But you feel forced to say yes to your special friend. And if you break up the relationship, you're really in danger -- your former beloved could claim you abused your power. You could end up losing your job.

Keep It Quiet.

I know, I know. When you're in love, it's tempting to tell everyone in the office. Mistake. From then on, the two of you will be under the microscope. It's even dangerous if the two of you are peers. For example, if you're seen helping your sweetie out with work, someone else who also needs your help may go to the boss and complain you're playing favourites.

"But," you protest, "the chemistry between us is so obvious that everyone already knows we're having a relationship." Chances are, many co-workers don't know. They're wrapped up in themselves; they're not monitoring the vibes between every twosome who walks by. Other co-workers may suspect but can't be sure. If you confirm your relationship to just one person, chances are the whole office will know within 24 hours. And it takes just one disgruntled co-worker to make your life miserable. Until it's time to send the wedding invitations, keep the relationship to yourselves.

Have Fun.

Actually, the office is a pretty darn good place to meet a romantic partner. Unlike in a bar, where you pick mainly on impulse and an alcohol-impaired chat, at work you get to see more of what a person is really like. So you're more likely to find your valentine at the office water cooler than a barstool.

Just follow these five rules to reduce your risk and then focus on having a great time. Being in love is wonderful -- take it from me. I had an office romance and lived to tell the tale. In fact, I married her.

 

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

A Sweet Love Story




A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband,although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Acewan?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

If you think you are smart
Your Wife are even more smarter
So don't play play with her

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, Etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Acewan? "
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long I'll be right back. I promise.OK?" "You want hors d'oeuvres, Acewan?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc."But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Acewan?...
"LISTEN UP SHIT HEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR DAMNED FROZEN FUCKING
MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE!
GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"
...and, they lived happily ever after.

The End

 

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Funny Italian English

Funny Italian English
Please turn your speaker on,
Hope you enjoy the joke

 

3 Comments:

Post a Comment

Alphabet of Happiness




A--Accept
Accept others for who they are and for the choices they've made even if
you have difficulty understanding their beliefs, motives, or actions.

B--Break Away
Break away from everything that stands in the way of what you hope to
accomplish with your life.

C--Create
Create a family of friends whom you can share your hopes, dreams,
sorrows, and happiness with.

D--Decide
Decide that you'll be successful and happy come what may, and good
things will find you. The roadblocks are only minor obstacles along the
way.

E--Explore
Explore and experiment. The world has much to offer, and you have much
to give. And every time you try something new, you'll learn more about
yourself.

F--Forgive
Forgive and forget. Grudges only weigh you down and inspire unhappiness
and grief. Soar above it, and remember that everyone makes mistakes.

G--Grow
Leave the childhood monsters behind. They can no longer hurt you or
stand in your way.

H--Hope
Hope for the best and never forget that anything is possible as long as
you remain dedicated to the task.

I--Ignore
Ignore the negative voice inside your head. Focus instead on your goals
and remember your accomplishments. Your past success is only a small
inkling of what the future holds.

J--Journey
Journey to new worlds, new possibilities, by remaining open-minded. Try
to learn something new every day, and you'll grow.

K--Know
Know that no matter how bad things seem, they'll always get better. The
warmth of spring always follows the harshest winter.

L--Love
Let love fill your heart instead of hate. When hate is in your heart,
there's room for nothing else, but when love is in your heart, there's
room for endless happiness.

M--Manage
Manage your time and your expenses wisely, and you'll suffer less
stress and worry. Then you'll be able to focus on the important things
in life.

N--Notice
Never ignore the poor, infirm, helpless, weak, or suffering. Offer your
assistance when possible, and always your kindness and understanding.

O--Open
Open your eyes and take in all the beauty around you. Even during the
worst of times, there's still much to be thankful for.

P--Play
Never forget to have fun along the way. Success means nothing without
happiness.

Q--Question
Ask many questions, because you're here to learn.

R--Relax
Refuse to let worry and stress rule your life, and remember that things
always have a way of working out in the end.

S--Share
Share your talent, skills, knowledge, and time with others. Everything
that you invest in others will return to you many times over.

T--Try
Even when your dreams seem impossible to reach, try anyway. You'll be
amazed by what you can accomplish.

U--Use
Use your gifts to your best ability. Talent that's wasted has no value.
Talent that's used will bring unexpected rewards.

V--Value
Value the friends and family members who've supported and encouraged
you, and be there for them as well.

W--Work
Work hard every day to be the best person you can be, but never feel
guilty if you fall short of your goals. Every sunrise offers a second
chance.

X--X-Ray
Look deep inside the hearts of those around you and you'll see the
goodness and beauty within.

Y--Yield
Yield to commitment. If you stay on track and remain dedicated, you'll
find success at the end of the road.

Z--Zoom
Zoom to a happy place when bad memories or sorrow rears its ugly head.
Let nothing interfere with your goals. Instead, focus on your
abilities, your dreams, and a brighter tomorrow.

 

0 Comments:

Post a Comment