What is Easter?





Three blondes went to Heaven on the same day and showed up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looked them over and said, "Well, before you can enter the gates you have to answer one simple question, to show you know something about why you're here."

The first blonde stepped up to the gates, and St. Peter said, "Now, explain to me, what is Easter?" The woman replied, "Oh, that's easy. That's the holiday in November, when everybody gets together to give thanks, and eats turkey, and..."

"Wrong," replied St. Peter, "You'll have to wait." He turned to the second blonde and said, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replied, "I know, Easter is about Jesus. In December, when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate His birthday."

St. Peter shook his head in disgust at the second woman and sighed. He turned to the third blonde and said, "You look a little smarter than the other two... Now, WHAT IS EASTER?"

The third blonde smiled and said, "I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that takes place in the spring. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper, and He was deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. Then the Romans took Him to be crucified and stabbed Him in the side, made Him wear a crown of thorns, and crucified Him. He died, and was buried in a cave sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiled and nodded.
The blonde continued, "And every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if He sees His shadow there will be six more weeks of winter."
St. Peter fainted...

 

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Lawyer and Woman Jokes

Joke 1:
Two men eating grass

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One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw
two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to
investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then."

"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man.

"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall."

Joke 2:
Woman Will Always Be Smarter



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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.
It's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars,
The woman says,
"So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied,
"I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God! "
The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.... My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police"


Moral of the jokes:

Women brain is as good as the lawyer

 

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Men are useless?

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26 parts of men that are useless :

20 Nails that cannot be hammered
1 Adam’s apple that cannot be eaten
2 Nipples with no milk
2 Eggs that you cannot fry

1 BIRD that cannot FLY!!!

True isn’t it? What was said can be true.

 

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Toad Watch




A busy road in the UK was shut off to traffic for ten hours so that 2,000 toads could reach their mating ground!
A 500ft section of the highway at Llandrindod Wells was closed down between 8pm and 6am to allow the amphibians to reach their breeding ground.
Conservationists now hope that the "Toad Watch" will help lessen the numbers that die every year trying to get across the busy intersection.
"Over the years toads have got squashed. Hopefully this will help more mate and the population will increase," The Sun quoted a spokesman, as saying.
The scheme is one of 70 in towns across Wales.

 

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Malaysian Boleh Jokes

This joke can be enjoyed by everyone. Not only that .
It is politically correct and with a moral lesson.


While walking down the street one day a Malaysian Boleh Minister is
tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,
you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity."

"Really, I have made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Yang
Berhormat

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules," says St. Peter.

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down,down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the
middle of
a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in
front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked
with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in the finest batik there is. They
run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times
they
had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a
friendly game of golf and then indulge themselves on lobsters, caviar
and the most
expensive food there is.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a
good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time
that
before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it' s time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the Yang Berhormat joining a group of contented
souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They
have
a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and
St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now
choose your eternity."

The Yang Berhormat reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I
would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but
I think Ai
yam better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a
barren
land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and
putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the Yang Berhormat. "Yesterday I was here
and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and
caviar,
drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"


The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning
just like you did (full of lies and deceit) during an
election........... Today you voted."


VOTE WISELY IN THE COMING ELECTION

 

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