"Obama" second visit to Indonesia

JUST FOR LAUGH

 

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Joke: Emerging 'isms' of the new economy


INFOSYSism
You have a 1000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, & send them one at a time to the US for milking.

PATNIism
You have 10 cows. You make them work so that they give milk of 100 cows.

WIPROism
GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.

DELLism
Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both & sell it as Cow's milk.

IBMism
You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.

MICROSOFTism
You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.

SUNism
You have a bull. It doesn't give milk. You hate Microsoft.

ORACLEism
You have a cow. You don't know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows.

SAPism
You don't have a cow You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.

APPLEism
You have a cow. You sell iMilk.

SONYism
You have a cow. You spend $50 mn to develop the world's thinnest milk.

CITIBANKism
Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press 1. If you have a bull, press 2...stay on line if you'd like our customer care to milk it for you.

HPism
You don't know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only.

GEism
You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someone finds out, that's his imagination at work.

RELIANCEism
You don't yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

TATAism
You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.


 

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Breast Stroke competition in English Channel swim,


There were three women competing in the recent Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim, a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

It was a fierce race with the brunette and the redhead exchanging the lead across the long stretch of water. As they stroked closer and closer to the shores of France, the blonde fell further behind.

Finally, the brunette came in first, with the redhead a close second. Everyone cheered and the two women congratulated each other on such a fine race. But the blonde swimmer was still nowhere to be seen.

Much, much later, the blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

After being revived with blankets and coffee, she agreed to speak to the eager press.

"Can you please tell us what caused you to finish so far behind the other racers in today's race?" the first reporter asked.

The blonde shook her head, then remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms!"

 

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Flashing breasts big traffic hazard

Hopefully this will teach Cherelle May Dudfield a lesson that showing your breasts in public could get you hurt. Girls who do stupid things like that deserve to suffer the consequences.

A NEW Zealand teen who was flashing her breasts at passing cars has been found guilty of disorderly behaviour for the prank, which ended with her in a hospital after a distracted driver ran into her.

The 18-year-old New Zealand girl found out the hard way that flashing can be dangerous after a distracted driver ran into her as she was exposing her breasts while standing the middle of a street.

Cherelle May Dudfield, 18, pleaded guilty to the charge when she appeared in Invercargill District Court, the Southland Times newspaper reported on Wednesday.

Dudfield, egged on by her friends, was flashing passing motorists from a traffic island in the middle of a four-lane road in the southern city of Invercargill on Sept. 27.

The alcohol-fuelled prank went awry when one of the vehicles crashed into her as she tried to run to the side of the road, police Inspector Olaf Jensen said.

'She was extremely lucky as the vehicle had slowed because of her behaviour,' he told The Associated Press. 'She rolled up onto the bonnet (hood) and cracked the windscreen before she came down with some minor injuries and was taken to hospital.' The prank occurred in the city centre, where a ban on alcohol use is in force, he noted.

Dudfield was fined $198.


 

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Intel Choir's Twist on the 12 Days of Christmas

It's that tech time of year: see the Intel Choir's Twist on the 12 Days of Christmas

 

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The most unfaithful guy of the year




He's the most unfaithful guy of the year
He's had many transgressions
But he's not confessin'
To what we should hear
He's the most unfaithful guy of the year

He's the hor-horniest golfer of all
Saying, babe, take your presence
Off of your phone message
In case my wife calls
He's the hor-horniest golfer of all

Well, there's Jaimee, the waitress
Kalika in Vegas
And Rachel, but she says, not true
If I were his missus
And I was real pissed
I would total my Cadillac, too

He's the most unfaithful guy of the year
And upholding his fame
Is the name of the game
When a hoochie is near
He's the most unfaithful guy of the year

Real soon, Elin will dump him
Then, her lawyers will trump him
Like Furyk did in Chicago
There'll be gossipy stories
Regarding some whore he
Stuck his five-iron in, long, long ago

He's the most unfaithful guy of the year
Bottom dollar, I'm bettin'
That Tiger is frettin'
About his career
He's the most unfaithful guy... Yes, the most unfaithful guy...
Oh, the most unfaithful guy... of the year!

 

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'Church of Tiger' website disbands over golfer's 'sins'


The transgressions of Tiger Woods have proved too much to take for one of the golf superstar's most fanatical fans who is now disbanding a church set up in praise of the sports icon.

John Ziegler, the pastor of the "First Church of Tiger Woods" - www.tigerwoodsisgod.com - has announced in a statement on the blog that the organization is being dissolved because of the golfer's "personal sins."

The church, whose home page has now been rechristened "The Damnation of Tiger Woods,"was launched by radio host Ziegler in 1996 to "celebrate the emergence of the 'true messiah.'"
However the lurid revelations that have swirled around Woods since last week have left Ziegler so disenchanted that he is now ending his church, which has its own "Prayer for Tiger" and "Ten Tiger Commandments."

"After several days of evaluation, I have decided to disband the First Church of Tiger Woods," Ziegler wrote. "Tiger is clearly no longer deserving of being seen as a role model or a hero and he has needlessly squandered his unique potential to be a positive force in our country and the world.

"While I am relatively sure that Tiger will make a comeback from this sad episode and that there will be great moments for him in the future, I personally am done with Tiger Woods." However Ziegler's reaction appears to fly in the face of the 10th of the "Tiger commandments" - "Thou shall pay no attention to Tiger's apparent flaws."

The 10 Tiger Commandments

10 Commandments of Tiger Woods

I. Thou shall not wear red on any day but Sunday.

II. Thou shall not worship Duval or Garcia above Tiger.

III. Thou shall not doubt Tiger’s ability to recover from any deficit.

IV. Thou shall always keep holy the Masters.

V. Thou shall not question why Tiger does not win EVERY week.

VI. Thou shall not scream “You da man!” after any Tiger shot since to call him a man would be demeaning.

VII. Thou shall not root for any golfer other than Tiger, unless he is not entered in the tournament. (Special dispensations are available through the First Church for events in which Jack Nicklaus is also entered.)

VIII. Thou shall not take the name Eldrick, unless in vain.

IX. Thou shall not covet Tiger’s game.

X. Thou shall pay no attention to Tiger’s apparent flaws. (we at the First Church are sure that there are good

 

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The Angry Wife Golf Club Guide

Most people assume that Tiger Woods' wife randomly chose a club to allegedly beat him with. That's not so. In fact, she (allegedly) chose the perfect club to fit the crime. So to help all you married golfers out there, we created this handy guide.



Did Tiger Woods crash his car into a tree because his wife was chasing him with a golf club?

 

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World's tallest model

A US model measuring 205cm is set to feature on the cover of Australian men's magazine Zoo Weekly.
The model — Eve — appears on the cover of the magazine's current issue alongside a 162cm-tall Australian model.
"No other magazine has put a woman who's nearly 7ft tall on the cover," editor Paul Merrill said.

"We had ... her bikini specially made, but it was worth it."







 

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Chinese husband allows wife to attack him once a week

rolling pin Pictures, Images and Photos


The 32-year-old man, who was named by the Chongqing Evening News as Mr Zhang, took the unusual step after suffering intense abuse from his wife, who studies kung fu.
"I don't want to beat him, but arguments are inevitable and I can't help myself," his wife told the newspaper. She added that in the week before they signed the deal, she had beaten him up three times.
Mr Zhang said his wife, who is a sales manager at a trading company, had studied kung fu since her childhood and that he was attracted to her "strong and independent temperament".
He also admitted that he had suffered at her hands throughout their six-month courtship. "Before we got married, she had a wild hairstyle and I teased that it made her look like a tigress. During the argument that followed, I said some bad words and I got a taste of her kung fu for the first time."

He said that he had tried to bite his lip in order to avoid being punished, but that he "never wants to lose an argument" and so always ends up with "bruises and scars all over".

In order to curb his wife's aggression, Mr Zhang proposed signing a contract in front of his in-laws. If his wife breaches the contract, she has to return to her parents' home for three days. "She is very obedient to her parents, and her parents will support me and blame her," he said.

His wife said that she always feels regret when she sees her husband with a black eye. "Now that we have a contract, I will force myself to drop the use of force," she said.

Mr Zhang's parents told the newspaper that although they felt bad that their son was regularly attacked, the couple were a good match. "They have a good marriage, so we can say nothing about it," said his father.

 

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