Marriage Jokes


-Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman


-There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it

-Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

-Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash

-Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes and no."

-Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"

-Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."

-Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

- A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"


- Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."

- A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."

-Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

-Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

-Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

-It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

- It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives !

-A man, who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who surrenders when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.

-If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy Independence Day

-Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

-There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage

-Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?
To tell each other affectionately. .. Sweetheart U R Dead!

 

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